The waiting game.

Worst part of the waiting game is the loneliness you feel. You can’t really talk to anybody about the voices in your head or that part of your head just wants to disconnect from your body, leaving you floating somewhere indescribable. You have to keep quiet all the time because what may be wrong with you is such a taboo that if you ever mention it, people will judge you, seeing you for something else that you am. How you can’t really explain to people what is wrong with you because you haven’t been diagnosed, but you can just feel how sick and wrong you are, and it only drives you more and more insane. Like something is poising you from inside, blurring your mind, making it hard to know what’s real and what’s not. That you want to scream from the highest mountain, or drown in the deepest lake. A mix of searching for approval and yet the urge for solitude, because you’re afraid you might hurt someone.

Afraid to talk to your parents about how you feel, because you fear they might not take you seriously. You can’t really talk either about how to address you because they’ll just think you’re over sensitive or just being silly. The fear of opening to your friends because one day they may leave you, knowing your darkest and deepest secret. And what a weapon they’ll have if they turn against you.

The tiring feeling every day because you have to fake a smile and fake a laugh. Fighting against the voices in your head. Act like everything is normal simply because you can’t deal with anyone asking how you feel.  All you can do is shut up and feeling tied with both your hands behind your back as the world watches you slowly crumbling into pieces.

How school or work places demands documentary of you being so damaged and sick as you feel but you can’t give them any because no one, not even doctors or therapists know what is wrong with you. Only yourself. Because it’s you who can hear the voices. It’s you who’s mind is slowly being poisoned and it’s you who have to fight them. And in the end you’re so frustrated, the only solution is to hurt yourself in any way. Physical or psychic. And death seems so attractive, you wish he’d come visit you at night. But you know you can’t leave because of all the responsibilities you have in this world.

So this is the waiting game. Where all you can do it sit and wait. Wait for something to rot inside of you, while everyone is watching.

Red is going redder! (moved from ACupoftheGalaxy)

So as you may have noticed my hair is this lovely brown/red-ish colour. But I’m planing on dyeing it even more red!

This is a great way to get red hair without bleaching your own hair if you’re like me, are gifted with dark hair from mother nature.

But as you probably know, getting red hair is a huge commitment! The colour particles are bigger in red hair dye than in blonde or brown. Which means you will notice that the colour fades a lot quicker!

So dyeing your hair red is like looking after a new born baby (Okay maybe not but it’s close!)

But after I’m done talking about red hair dye and babies let me show you the products I’m using them!

The dye:

Ordered from Amazon.co.uk

Price for 3-packs £14,99

As you may know L’oreal has made this lovely hair colour series made especially for dark hair! So I decided to use the colour called Magenta, simply because I like its undertone. It’s more Cherry Red than fire red, which I prefer.

Here a lovely example I’m talking about!

But the L’oreal HiColor HiLights isn’t enough for this magic to happen! We have to use

The developer:

Ordered from Amazon.co.uk

Price £2,99

I’m using the L’oreal developer volume 30 (I might as well go all the way with using L’oreal products).

Again because I don’t want my hair to be like fire red, but a nice dark red. And this is perfect for the job!

As I told you in the very beginning, dyeing your hair red is a huge commitment to maintaining  the colour.

So of course we need some kind of hair treatment, and what else would be lovely to find a hair treatment that also gives your hair a touch of colour when you wash it?

This baby keeps the magic going:

Ordered from a Danish website

Price: £16,60

This baby here (Revlon Nutri Color creme 600, fire red) will help giving my hair a colour boost when I’m washing my hair, because as I mentioned earlier, red hair fades very easily!

So I hope this kind of gives an idea of how to get really nice red hair and how to maintain it.

I will of course post the whole process of the dyeing and show before and after pictures, while explain the whole process. I’m just waiting for my stuff to get dispatched and delivered!

Originally uploaded the 2013/11/30

How to go from dark brunette to blonde!

Hello my lovelies!

Tired of dark hair, or being a feeling a brunette doesn’t suit you?

Here is some information about how you can go from dark to blonde!

First a little research and thoughts about this whole process.

Is your hair virgin hair, or has it been coloured before, in that chase which way, to the darker or the lighter scale, before you went back to your current hair colour?

Well in my case, I was magenta red before colouring my hair brown.

Second on the list is: do you want to sacrifice your hair on such a damaging process? You may want to trim your ends, or like I had to, cut your hair short.

I did it, and now I’m caring my hair like it’s a freaking baby.

If you haven’t coloured your hair before, check if your allergic to it! For heaven’s sake that is very important!

In this post, I will list all the thing I needed for going from this:

to this:

So first of all you will need a bleaching process.

What I used is Granier Truly Blonde Decolor L++

(lightens up to 8 tones)

I chose Granier because I like the ending results of the bleaching, and I think it’s the one with the best after hair care.

What you get in the package are:

– Gloves (remember to use them!)

– Bottle of developer

– 2(?) small packages of bleaching powder

– anti-yellow shine after conditioner

And of course

– The instructions! (remember to read if you’re not used to colour your hair)

Since I had dark hair I chose to let the bleach sit in for 45 minutes, which is top for what the instructions recommend and what I recommend you leave the bleach in. It will stop working after 45-60 minutes, but won’t stop damage if you keep it in for longer.

If you’re colouring from dark hair (especially if it’s not your natural hair colour) it will NOT turn blonde with just the one bleaching process.

Your hair should be a lovely orange/yellow brassy colour, which is far from a nice blonde we are going for.

To remove the brassy orange/yellow colour, you will need a hair dye that has ash in it. It will, and I repeat will do wonders!

Give your scalp a couple of days, if not a weeks rest before you continue the process.

To get rid of the orange/yellow colour I used this miracle worker:

Granier Belle Color lightest ash blonde 111

This beauty here comes of course with all the needing things:

– gloves (again use them!)

– cream developer

– the dye

– After care

– Instructions.

This dye lightens your hair up to 3 tones and gets rid of the orange/yellow brassy colour.

After using this once, I got a nice honey blonde hair colour, but since I wanted to go lighter I used a second one a couple of days after.

Now to the after care:

As I warned you about, bleaching your hair and using to much dye on it on such short time, will damage your hair like fuck.

As I mentioned in the start, when you’re done with the progress and you’ve received the hair colour you wanted, you may want to trim your ends or cut your hair a bit shorter.

To keep my hair smooth and not dry as fuck I use a keratin oil.

I apply this baby on damp hair and after that, I use a heat protector before I blow dry  my hair.

To keep your hair nice and blonde (and avoid the yellow shine to return) I of course use a silver shampoo. I’ve used a couple of different brands but the one I like the most ended up being:

Usually I leave this baby in for a couple of minutes and then rinse out. And to keep your hair smooth I of course add conditioner. Get one that’s moisturising. It helps your hair from tangling.

I hope this helps a lot and if you have any questions, just ask away! 😀